Saturday, June 20, 2015

An Open Letter to Mike Huckabee

Dear Mr. Huckabee:

Recently on Fox “News” (of all places) you said: “It sounds crass, but frankly the best way to stop a bad person with a gun is to have a good person with a weapon that is equal or superior to the one that he’s using.”


I know you’ve received criticism from so-called Liberals for this comment made so soon after the recent tragedy in South Carolina. Well, this is one “Liberal” who is not ashamed to congratulate you for stating the obvious: Superior firepower is critical during a gunfight.  I would think this especially so in a House of Worship, where heavy wooden pews and alcoves can provide cover for assailants.

This criticism is just a knee-jerk reaction by people without visualizing an outcome in a real-world scenario. Please allow me to provide a scenario of what might have happened had the Congregation at that small black church been armed to the teeth.

The action starts when the bad guy enters, weapon drawn.  Joe Bob Stutlerwell looks up from the Field and Stream hidden inside his hymnal, draws his Glock and starts firing away at the intruder. His seventh shot wings the culprit. The first nailed a retired nun, the second caught the Bippler infant right in the Dr. Denton’s.  Shots number three through five finished off the Gambelli Triplets and bullet number seven got the attention of Rufus Bodling-Klumpf, who had his favorite Uzi under his duster.

In a blistering display of questionable marksmanship, Rufus then wiped out most of the Children's Choir before the first note of "Bringing in the Sheaves." No self-respecting minister can stand by for that, so the Very Reverend "Dead-Eye" Mickleswurth raced to his 20 MM gun tower (pulpit right, underneath the cross), swung those twin bad boys around and let loose a fusillade of deadly fire into the Congregation.

By the time all was toted up, the toll was 53 dead and 17 wounded, including Dylann Roof, who spent the rest of the gunfight hunkered safely under a pew and who is expected to make a full recovery.

So Huzzah! Mike Huckabee, for your clear-headed thinking that isn't at all beholden to your desire tor NRA campaign support. I suspect it is more likely due to a hitherto undiscovered recessive Gene in your unforked family tree.

Sincerely,

John Corcoran Jr.