SAVING SAM: The Speech Whatsisface MUST Make after being Sam Jacksoned

"My Name is Sam and I Am A Prosopagnosiac"

Sam, it's your old buddy Cork, from back in the day? Remember me? Channel Nine? Hope you haven't confused me with Roger Ebert again...or Katie Couric

You have to come out of the "Face Blind Closet" to earn sympathy and make this go away.

I know "Repartee is the art of what you wish you'd said" and I have 20-20 hindsight here.  But I've studied the tape. You went the apology route. But the gleam in Denzel's Sam's eye meant he smelled comedic blood in the water. You couldn't stop him, you could only top him. The instant you saw where it was going, you needed to shout him down and take the momentum. Like this:

"Sam! Sam! Sam!!! Wait! Whoa! Let me save your career before you say something you'll regret. Do NOT make this a racial thing. It's not!!! Don't think because I confused you with Lawrence Whatsisface that I  can't tell only rich black men apart.

No, I can't tell white folks apart either! Or Spanish or Chinese. I once called Cheech Marin "Mao." I thought Hector Elizondo did those crying Indian ads. This news team? I've worked with them for ten years and I still don't know who the hell they are. But despite this handicap, I've survived. I'm a minority too. I'm a Prosopagnosiac-American and proud of it. It's not easy for me in a business where stars have such huge egos they insist people remember who they are. So Google it, Arsenio, and you may begin to appreciate what other minorities have to put up with. But first, I'm waiting for your apology." 

Is it too late? To paraphrase what Tupac said to you yesterday "Oh Hell no!" Just announce you suffer from the real ailment, but were afraid to admit it. You may have to attend a few meetings, but it will blow over and you'll be superceded by the next media punching bag.